It has been a long last month or so. First it was another CVS episode, then a really bad cold of some kind, then dizziness and passing out episodes at work and now it's emotional stuff along with not feeling the greatest.
It's almost my 24th birthday and I'm really frustrated and upset because I am only almost 24 and having to deal with so many medical issues. I go to work everyday and see girls my age going to work and school and some have babies as well and here I am hardly handling a part time job right now. I get, I guess one could say, jealous of them and it upsets me because I want to be that normal 24 year old doing what the girls I work with do but how am I supposed to go to school when I can barely handle work as it is. How do I look at a baby and not wonder if I will ever have that in my life, how do I not get upset about it. How do I act positive when I am puking my guts out from the CVS.
I feel like no one gets it and some people judge me for things I do and/or say. People tell me that I can do things when they don't understand that I physically can't do it and wonder why I'm upset about things. I feel like a no good failure a lot of the time because of my medical issues. Sometimes I wonder why not just give up and be free of the pain. But other times I feel like I can do this even if I do it alone. I just feel so sad right now, so tired of dealing with medical issues and wish I could just make it all go away but I can't, all of the issues will always be there because there's no cure for the things I have. I just must learn to deal with it somehow, someway. It's just so hard all the time......Happy Birthday to me....Saturday.
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