I am scheduled for a gallbladder removal surgery one Monday April 30th which is this Monday coming up and I've got so many thoughts running through my mind like a water faucet that just won't shut off or the blades of a windmill in the country spinning and spinning and not stopping. Part of me is ready to get this gallbladder out and see if it helps with my CVS attacks and part of me is scared to death it's going to make the CVS much worse than what it already is.
I'm praying that doctor Seneshen is a good surgeon and praying that her hands will be steady and not mess anything up in my already messed up stomach. I am most scared about the tube that will be put down my throat after I am knocked out because my teeth are so messed up from the CVS and are very fragile and I am scared they might knock out some teeth or chip them even more. I am scared I won't be fully out before they insert the tube and hook me to the ventilator and I will feel it. I am scared of the pain after the surgery, scared of the recovery, of clotting, of the incisions getting infected, of having stitches or staples and having to deal with the pain of getting them removed....I am just overall terrified of the whole thing. I really want to chicken out right now and not do it but I know it does need to be done and the longer I put it off the worse my anxiety will get over it. It's to be done at Clark Memorial hospital at 12:30pm Monday but I have to be there at 11am for registration and pre-op preparation. Everyone is telling me to "relax, it will be fine nothing will happen," but that doesn't keep me from being scared of all of it. I know I have my mom and everything but I will my dad cared and was around, I haven't even told him I am having surgery because he won't care anyways so what's the point of me telling him for him to tell me he doesn't care and then get me even more upset.
Anyway, I do have a hard time dealing with pain for some odd reason. I am such a big baby and I tend to whine and not being able to move after surgery without hurting is really going to get to me I think but I can do it with my moms help but also hope that friends stop by to see how I am doing after the surgery. I don't have many friends so I don't really count on it. Either way I'm scared to death and just hoping and praying that everything will go just fine before, during and after surgery and that healing will go smoothly and will very little pain or at least tolerable pain. My life is hard to handle dealing with all the medical issues I have and now gallbladder surgery on top of it, I'm really needing a break right now before I lose it literally.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
20 Years Without A Diagnosis
It all started for me 20 years ago around the age of 4 years old. I would get sick and run to the bathroom without warning and then I'd go back and start playing like nothing had even happened. My mom begin taking me to doctors of all kinds...Gastrointerologists, kid specialists and even mental doctors but no answer could be found. I had every kind of test one could think of to diagnosis stomach issues...Endoscopys, cat scans, MRI, ultrasounds, gastric emptying studies and many many more. I was even put in two different mental hospitals because my mom was listening to the doctors who all thought it was in my head but I knew that it wasn't but yet no one believed me.
A little over a year ago I was watching a show called The Doctors on tv and heard about something called Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome that I had never heard of before. Chandra Wilsons daughter from the tv show Greys Anatomy had it and it took her forever to figure it out like it did for me. I had never heard of anything so close to what I was going through so I was shocked that it was an actual condition and I was also relieved to know that it really wasn't in my head. I knew what I had and I had waited 20 years to know. I took the information to my doctor who then sent me to a gastrointerologist who finally gave me the official diagnosis of Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome. I was so relieved to have a diagnosis but so sad and disappointed to know that there is no cure for it and that they don't know much about it yet. It basically can only be treated with meds and you and the doctors have to try things out to see what works best for you but it can't be completely cured which has had me down in the dumps a lot but knowing what I have has helped me SO much the last year because I can tell people what it is now and it's not in my head, I KNOW that now.
http://www.thedoctorstv.com/videolib/init/3705
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/greys-anatomy-chandra-wilsons-real-life-medical-mystery/story?id=13328839#.T42t16tAZf5
A little over a year ago I was watching a show called The Doctors on tv and heard about something called Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome that I had never heard of before. Chandra Wilsons daughter from the tv show Greys Anatomy had it and it took her forever to figure it out like it did for me. I had never heard of anything so close to what I was going through so I was shocked that it was an actual condition and I was also relieved to know that it really wasn't in my head. I knew what I had and I had waited 20 years to know. I took the information to my doctor who then sent me to a gastrointerologist who finally gave me the official diagnosis of Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome. I was so relieved to have a diagnosis but so sad and disappointed to know that there is no cure for it and that they don't know much about it yet. It basically can only be treated with meds and you and the doctors have to try things out to see what works best for you but it can't be completely cured which has had me down in the dumps a lot but knowing what I have has helped me SO much the last year because I can tell people what it is now and it's not in my head, I KNOW that now.
http://www.thedoctorstv.com/videolib/init/3705
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/greys-anatomy-chandra-wilsons-real-life-medical-mystery/story?id=13328839#.T42t16tAZf5
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
More Hospital Tests
Well a lot has been going on lately which is why I haven't really written much. I'm having some tests this week at the hospital and I'm so nervous about it all for some odd reason. Thursday I am having a Hida Scan and Ultrasound done at 1:45pm at Clark Memorial to check my gallbladder again. And then Friday I am having an Endoscopy done at 9am and biopsies taken to check the lining of my stomach and things. I am SO scared about being put to sleep and worried that I will feel something during it and I am freaking out but trying not to show it to my mom or the girls from church. I almost want to chicken out and not do it but I know it does need to be done.
And something that has been bothering me is when people say "you don't know how much I have to do, it's a lot" or "Mine is worse then yours" or "I'll trade ya." It's like how can someone say that their issues are worse then mine if they don't even know what I have to go through daily, I don't say that my issues are worse than anyone else's because the truth is I don't know what others are going through so how can I say that mine is worse. I hate when someone thinks that what I go through isn't bad and that theirs is worse because they just don't know that it is or isn't. I mean I dare someone to walk in my shoes for one week and see if they can do it because mine isn't easy either, just like what they may be going through isn't easy either. We all have our own struggles and it's not a competition on who's is worse or better, we just need to support each other and not have a dang competition with each other.
Ok, vent over for the night I guess. So worried about the tests and surgery Friday, ugh need to chill somehow.
And something that has been bothering me is when people say "you don't know how much I have to do, it's a lot" or "Mine is worse then yours" or "I'll trade ya." It's like how can someone say that their issues are worse then mine if they don't even know what I have to go through daily, I don't say that my issues are worse than anyone else's because the truth is I don't know what others are going through so how can I say that mine is worse. I hate when someone thinks that what I go through isn't bad and that theirs is worse because they just don't know that it is or isn't. I mean I dare someone to walk in my shoes for one week and see if they can do it because mine isn't easy either, just like what they may be going through isn't easy either. We all have our own struggles and it's not a competition on who's is worse or better, we just need to support each other and not have a dang competition with each other.
Ok, vent over for the night I guess. So worried about the tests and surgery Friday, ugh need to chill somehow.
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